-two big dogs pulled in a trailer behind a bicycle
-3 different sets of keys in one area in the street
-a drawing meant to apologize to me for being rude
-a guy on my stoop begging me to hang out with him and his girlfriend
-a stranger defending me for almost hitting a cyclist who did not stop at a stop sign
-3 whole seasons of Lost -middle schoolers who have already “given up” on success/their future
-multiple English teachers from my school applying to other schools
-no clue/no glimmer of what’s to come June 1 (financially speaking)
-my Gusband’s perm
-an Okie celeb’s cowardice cause pain to those I care about
-a winner of RuPaul’s drag race who I camped with for a weekend in Arkansas many moons ago
-the new Winnie the Pooh (and it was breathtaking)
-5th place loss at trivia
-a smoking elephant won as a bonus-question-prize that I’m thinking of sending to Cindy
-my $300 leftover (after bills) for this month slowly dwindling away
-my upcoming, whirlwind trip to OKC at the end of the month looming ahead
-myself throw a wadded up piece of paper at a sleeping student
-so many DIY projects that I cannot attempt without a sewing machine/cash flow
-all the jobs for which I’ve applied disappear from the job website
-a list/plan of 56 meals for 22 days for $150 total (go me!)
******
Plus, I made and devoured this awesomeness!
I plan to start sharing recipes again soon, since I’m in love with my Crock-Pot 🙂
I flipped out at the self-checkout yesterday (a customer service assistant did NOT need to be notified).
I flipped out this morning when I thought I’d lost $600.
I flipped out when a driver cut me (a pedestrian) off and then yelled obscenities at me.
I flipped out when a 2×4 came flying off a 13-story apartment building directly towards where I was walking.
I flipped out when a friend lied to me, when a friend was an immature bitch to me, and when a friend wouldn’t answer his phone last week.
As of March 27th, three friends of mine have died. Two of them chose to end their lives. One of them chose to take other lives in the process.
Regardless, three people I knew and cared for are no longer here. They left holes in our lives. It totally sucks.
I ache for the families and spouses of my friends.
I don’t understand why Taylor and Dan chose to end their time here before experiencing 30 years.
Both had “every thing.”
*********
I’ve always loved the Bukowski poem (quoted above) because I’m really bad about over-emotionalizing things that aren’t important. For example, I did not tell any of my co-workers about the losses I’ve experienced in the past 2 months. Oddly, I under-emotionalize (yes, I’m making up words) things that are important. For example, yelling at machines in public…
I think I just get to a point where the big things haven’t been discussed (I got it from my momma), and the little things build and build and I flip the fuck out.
I’m much better at this than my family is. I’m much better at this than I used to be. But when it comes to big things, I work it out, talk it out. The little things are too trivial to talk about, and they just get to me. I talk more, like I said, than I used to and my family of sweep-it-under-the-ruggers, but I don’t want to just bitch all the time.
I’ve gotten better at mixing in the good with the bad. I’m not all gloom and doom, but I’m not all sunshine and rainbows.
Positive outlook, but realistic thinking.
*********
Wanna piss me off?
Say what my mom keeps saying when something bad happens to someone she knows.
“See you’re not the only one who has bad things happen to them!”
Believe that I know that. I read the news. I know people, too.
She just knows how to say the wrong thing at the wrong time…
But no one can deny that I’ve had a series of unfortunate events in the past two years.
There are highs, but there are a lot of lows. The highs are due to my choices. The lows, on the other hand………..
*********
I just can’t won’t refuse to comprehend why Lindsay Lohan gets to walk the earth, why that right-wing bitch from high school has a nice husband and children, why pack-a-day smokers live to 80, and why any Kardashian has wealth.
It’s not that it’s not fair. It’s just not right.
*********
I didn’t flip out when someone said I was “just a substitute.”
I didn’t flip out when I cashed the rest of my 401K.
I didn’t flip out when I bought a plane ticket home for the end of May (although I’m freaked about leaving Beatrice).
I didn’t flip out when my mom didn’t answer my calls for a week.
I didn’t flip out when I realized I couldn’t watch Mad Men last night.
I didn’t flip out on any child today because, you know what, I just don’t care if you don’t care.
*********
I did make $60 a day by teaching 1 student for 2 hours a day during Spring Break.
I got 3rd place twice in a row at (my new passion) Geeks Who Drink trivia at a new bar.
I watched the season premiere of Mad Men on the big screen at Denver Film Center with a dirrrrrrty martini in my hand and a bouffant Joan Hollaway would admire.
I got a sunburn.
I ate my weight in junk food.
I watched My Week with Marilyn.
I successfully used a gas grill all by myself to make burgs and vegs.
*********
It’s the little things that actually keep me sane. It’s the army of awesome people and sights and sounds that keep me here, on the planet, striving to keep on keepin’ on.
It’s the little things that cause me to become insane. It’s the mob of terriblehorriblenogoodverybad-ness that makes me ask, “Why?”
The large things, I can handle.
I get sad and I own it, though.
Not enough people do it.
I try to keep my pity parties to a minimum.
I feel like I’m improving with age.
That’s nice.
I still make the same mistakes, but I correct myself more quickly.
I haven’t been feeling well (the bi-annual allergy attack), but I’ve been getting A LOT of sleep.
That’s gotta be a good thing, right?
First off, to address the last comment I received –
Kristen, I’ve been eating easy foods 😦 Not fast food, but simple and easy because I’ve not been eating that much (this weird work schedule does that to me). Yogurt or a Lara bar for breaky with a giant Celestial Seasons chai tea with skim and agave at 7am; “goodie plate” of raw veg, fruit, cheese, turkey, crackers and nuts at 12 or 2pm; whatever I can make with little to no effort at 7pm; bed by 9pm.
1 chicken breast + evoo + salt + cayenne + chili powder + minced garlic + 20 minutes @ 400 degrees
Quinoa La La
cooked quinoa + sautéed squash/zucchini/bell pep + evoo + salt + cayenne + chili powder + minced garlic + feta
I’ve been over-tired and busy and my mind is a mile a minute with work, life, trying to get my CO teaching license, trying to get my daily sub license (an entirely different process for some unknownstupid reason), friendships, interests, and money…………
Hence the repetitive, boring menu and 9pm bedtime. Luckily, after 15 years of insomnia and night-owlism, I learned during my 2nd year of teaching to go to bed when tired and make the best effort to get 8 hours of sleep. I’ve accomplished this with flying colors recently, and I’ve become so skilled at it that it’s carried over into my weekends. It’s really nice to have a whole day, that begins early, to use for work or play.
***
My actual birthday began with the formerinterest (more on that latermaybe) dropping off his little Lola at 6 am. I agreed to dogsit for 6 days while he attends a wedding in FL. I was really happy to do this because I want 2-dog practice and Bea needs friends. I’d love to get Beatrice a Benedict one day, yet I know not when. Lola is 2 years older than Bea, but you’d never guess it. She’s hyper and aggressive but truly a scaredy-dog at heart. It’s amazing to see how much calmer she is with me, but dogs simply react to their owners, and while I’m firm and strict with Bea, I keep a quiet, confident voice and am consistent with my rules and reactions. Lola’s so insanecrazy with the formerinterest, I was a bit apprehensive about having her for a week, but she’s adapted her behavior to my standards and been a pleasantly peaceful addition. I did, however, have an odd mental moment while giving the dogs “potty treats” where I envisioned my life in 15 years (hopefully) hosting my child’s friend during a sleepover.
“Who wants a snack?”
“YES!” Beatrice
“Yogurt and apples?!?” Lola
“That’s what we’re having. If you don’t like it, sorry!”
Beatrice ate 2 helpings of potty treats, and finally, Lola came back around to actually try them, and she liked ’em! She hasn’t turned her nose up to “treats” since.
Yeah…. I’ll be the mom with the healthy treats, and they’ll have to like it damn it 🙂
BFF
YOGI TIME!
When I got home from work, it was cold and dreary, but I quickly found a present in my mailbox from the Urban Agrarian and then had an hour-long phone call with my Hubaround.
My birthday seemed to cue Fall for Denver. It was rainy and chilly in the low 60s all evening, and it made me really happy because I got to wear layers! It also helped me choose the perfect happy hour bar! The night of my birthday, I met ML for happy hour at Steuben’s, which is comfort-food-and-drink heaven. 2 other friends met us there after about 2 hours, and we headed to Beauty Bar for martinis and manicures.
Friday night was set for the real bday bash = meaning I can haz dranks…
My old friend Mutt and I started with happy hour at Steuben’s ($2 beers and $1 sliders can’t be beat), and we continued the night with bar hopping until I can’t remember when. All I know is that we did the Bluth chicken, sang “Gimme Three Steps” to a stunned bar crowd, 2-stepped to “Iko Iko,” searched for Shakedown Street until we finally found it at 2 am, ate fried things with cheese, and then I sprained my ankle while trying to sit down. Mutt and my new friend, Denise, stayed the night so we could ride with the freaks early Saturday morning.
8 am, however came much too early and thirsty….
We missed Tour de Fat‘s bike brigade, but we still got to dress like weirdos and enjoy most of the festivities.
The funk is fading. I’m afraid it may return soon, but it’s fading for now.
TMI: I’ve been bleeding for 2 weeks and my period is supposed to start within the week. Yep. Due to my body readjusting to the Pill (again), my body’s been totally out of whack.
I’ve been diligent about working out and getting good rest, but I really think most of this funk is due to Mercury being in retrograde (and excessive bleeding).
My 29th birthday is steadily approaching, and I wish some Okies would use Labor Day’s long weekend to come visit me. All of my friends here have plans for both weekends surrounding my Wednesday birthday. I don’t have any extra money to do anything super fun. I’d really like to go roller-skating or to an amusement park. But that wouldn’t be so much fun all alone.
I’m hoping I can have a 3-way-birthday-partay with my friend ML and her friend during the weekend of the 17th, and that could be a good time if people would actually show up. I really would like to get all of my friend-groups together: the gays, the hippies, the teachers, the Boulder-ers, and the rest.
******
This weekend was fairly uneventful but much appreciated.
ML cancelled our plans Friday night, but that meant I got gay-time! I put on my cowboy boots, and Cody and I set out for line-dancing at Charlie’s (a gay, cowboy bar). I got 3 free shots and learned the Hanky Panky. Then, Cody and I bar-hopped to gay and straight places, saw 2 people projectile vomit, and I taught him about “punching mayonnaise.”
I basically slept all day Saturday. I re-watched eps of 30 Rock (it makes me feel so normal and smart and happy), ate too much food, but I worked out too; so there was no guilt felt at all.
I was up by 7 today, made breaky, and I’ve already done a lil’ pilates and ridden my bike almost 7 miles.
Now, I’m watching part 1 of Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work.
If I do nothing else today, I’d feel totes fine about it!
Alas, I must grade papers, read a short story, plan an AP practice test, clean the kitchen, and rearrange some storage………………………………………………………..
Aunt Flo came early this month due to a mega-dose of hormones I had to take a few weeks ago….. Jebus, I’m so close to getting back on the pill, especially after reading about this victory. I was wondering why I was feeling meany and hurty, and I couldn’t be happier to bleed, but now I’m in the funk of it all…..
I told Kim I wanted to punch something, and I still kinda do. Interest seems uninterested but I’m also a pms-y psycho, I have to complete a mountain of legal/ed paperwork seemingly daily for the new job but it’s worth it, plans have been canceled and canceled again but shit happens, I need to get my hair highlighted and cut but my “trusted” stylists live 5-10 hours away…. I’m afraid of not jumping through the proper hoops and somehow losing this job I’ve not even begun, I don’t get to see my first concert at Red Rocks tonight because I sold my ticket last month for extra money, my face is an active volcano of disgusting, AND I’M ON MY PERIOD! Urgh…
Sorry.
I had to vent……………..
But Polly Positive is pushing past the problems and provoking me to think happy thoughts and focus on the GOOD.
So, here you go………..
Last Saturday, I talked the interest into accompanying me to the 11th annual Dragon Boat races at Sloan’s Lake. It was pretty cool.
Then we went to a midnight showing of my absolute fave Wet Hot American Summer!
On Sunday, I met up with my favorite Okie-brother-sister duo and their spouses for a potluck at Jazz in the Park. I made a yummy quinoa salad with summer squash, bell pepper, and lots of nutmeg. We also had a little white wine, ceviche, pasta, cheeses, and chips with dip. It was low-key, peaceful, and fun. Too bad Jazz in the Park ends this Sunday. It would really be great year-round, but at least we can always picnic in the park regardless of whether a band plays.
Monday evening, the interest and I attended a Rockies game. Afterwards, we saw The Cults perform a sold-out show at a bar with no A/C (it felt like Oklahoma in there). The band played for maybe 30 minutes, because people were seriously about to die. But this was the first time I’d ever heard this band, and they really impressed me. I bought their album on vinyl (because it just sounds better and I needed something “new”). It’s like 60s doo-wop meets 2011 meets Heaven’s Gate.
Last night, Eva and I saw the film Locavore for FREE at the Botanic Gardens, and I WON THE PRIZE I WON THE PRIZE!!! On FB, I shared some sustainable food tips with the Gardens’ friends, and I won a prize-package including 2 passes to the Gardens, dinner for 2 (somewhere), and other stuff. I’ll get more details when the package arrives in the mail.
At the screening of Locavore, we got FREE Chipotle (which was my first experience). The meal and the movie were awesome. See it if you can; it really focuses on a common-sense topic that we can all adopt into our lives.
***
Since I got the job (fingerscrosseditdoesnotfallthrough), I’ve been thinking about the idea of having an income. Thinking about things I need…. Things I want….. This time of year does it to me mostly because I’m used to buying school stuff and my birthday is around the corner.
The year of NO CLOTHES was successful. Yeah, I beefed it a couple of times, but I consumed so much less. The problem, though, is that I now have reevaluated my closet, my outfits, and I’ve made a plan to get rid of some and store some, but I need some new pieces. I’ve got stuff that needs mending and repurposing, and I really need to make some tough decisions about the fun pieces (costumes/t-shirts/sentimental shit). Work clothes are best when they can also be worn as play clothes. So much of my closet, however, is filled with work clothes that require special underwear or high heels, and after the first 2 years of teaching, I said fuck all that noise. And my work wardrobe suffered.
Feeling lucky, I went to Goodwill yesterday to try to find some fun, new/used work attire. I was looking for ankle length slacks, dresses, tops, and flats. Well, the goddesses of thrift stores were obviously looking upon me! My basket was loaded to the top with high quality pieces. I tried everything on and was surprised when the best pieces fit. Because so much of it fit so perfectly and was exactly what I was looking for, it was hard to not buy everything, but I came close!
5 dresses: 2 sheath dresses (Mossimo, AT Loft), Gap jersey cotton, and 2 fun dresses = $26
3 shirts: French Connection, J. Crew, Gap (new with tags) = $12
5 slacks: Gap (new with tags), Banana Republic (new with tags), AT Loft, Express, NYCo = $26
3 shoes: red, pointy-toe flats; navy, open-toe kitten-heels; braided sandals (new with tags) = $15
1 pair Express jeans
1 pair jean shorts
1 purse
1 polka-dot rain trench
1 jewelry tree
1 CUCKOO CLOCK!!!!!!!!!!
TOTAL- $123
That’s an amazing haul considering that the retail price of the 4 brand-new items with tags totals $180
Plus a freakin’ cuckoo clock that WORKS! Thank you Goodwill Goddesses!!!!!
***
I went to WallyWorld for a bike pump and a basket because I want to ride to work, and I need to be prepared. I’d like to get a rack for the back eventually.
Have you heard of Yakkay? They make brainwear for smart people. I’ve had my eye on them for a few years now because, until recently, they did not distribute to the US.
I seriously feel like the only person who wears a helmet on her bike in Denver. Sure, I’d love to look “cool” and have the wind blow through my hair, but I like my head, and I like my hair, and I want a head with hair not one that’s smashed on the side of the street.
Yakkay makes a top of the line helmet and various “covers” that look like cute hats. To get the helmet and your first cover it’s $140. Then, additional covers cost about $80. It’s a great way to stay safe and look hot while doing so.
Birthday money will definitely be buying one!
***
Also, I just found this awesome site with vintage-style dresses for curvy girlies. Now, I officially NEED the following dresses:
Feel free to get me an early birthday present 😉
Or you could just get me a pet shark friend…..
“Relax, keep your hands to yourself, and just watch.” What a perfect metaphor for me and my sharky-girlfriends……
Do you know anyone who is 100 years old or has lived to be 100?
My great-grandmother (and the only relative I ever really felt a connection with) lived to be 100 years old, and she died very close to her 101st birthday. She was a truly interesting woman who cooked the best fried chicken (that no one has ever been able to duplicate), who always had Coke in glass bottles and taught us to leave the cap on, poke a hole in the top, and insert a straw for spill-proof fun, who helped me start my stamp collection by giving me letters my great-grandfather had written to her during WWII, who was a little bit psychic and helped me find my intuition, who had the most beautiful furniture and blankets, who had (creepy) baby dolls from 1910, who had an exquisite garden that she maintained late into life, who had a deep love for all stray cats, who had a hilarious Christmas tradition of wrapping cash in as many envelopes as your age and making you carefully open each one, who made the Cuckoo Clock go off for me every time I left her house, who everyone called Mom….
I miss you Mom, and I hate that your children and grandchildren forgot about you and didn’t even have the decency to notify the Great-grandkids when they sold your home, your belongings, our memories, and threw you in a nursing home. I’m sorry I was too young to put it all together and realize what happened before it was too late. I’m sorry that there was no funeral. I’m sorry I didn’t get that Cuckoo Clock that you wanted me to have.
I found this picture while searching for images to celebrate my 100th post, and it made me think of you………..
not Mom
Post #100!!!!!!!!!!!
We’ve officially made it half-way through 2011! Have YOU survived? I’m just barely hanging on…….
I really wanted this post to be a fuckingFIREWORKSfantasia, but as you well know, my emotions are all over the place at the mome…
So, we’ll start with the good:
I’ve written 100 posts. That is an accomplishment of which I’m very proud.
I’ve finally forgiven and made peace with George W. Bush, thanks to Oprah. I’ve ordered his book Decision Points, and I’m really excited to read it.
I’m approaching my 1 year anniversary in Denver…
My friend of 22 years, Rachel, finally got a teaching job!
.Continue last year’s goals of consuming more turmeric (resorted to pill form as it was too difficult to cook with it every day) and using the microwave less.
-No clue when I last cooked with turmeric (since there’s none? in the house), but I think I’ve been pretty good at only using the microwave once a day (if even that much). And I’ve been taking Zinc supplements instead of turmeric.
.Heal with herbs for hormones!
I need to finally (over a year late!) start taking herbs to balance my hormones.
-I have been taking Chaste Tree (herb) for my for my hormonally imbalanced skin, and I’ll have to continue using it for another year, but I don’t know how much longer I can put up with my acne-ridden face. Many days, I have been so close to making an appointment at Planned Parenthood to get back on the pill. I don’t know… The next (yet more expensive) option is to get regular facials…
.Limit “zone-out-time!”
Reading my many leather-bound books, studying comedians, reading news and blogs, watching DVDs, and FaceSpacing are gonna widen my ass!
-I’ve been terrible at monitoring this! The newly repaired computer is hindering this goal.
.Conquer creative cardio!
I cannot afford a gym membership right now.
-I have actually been pretty good at this, for the most part. Being unemployed (again) allows me the time (when I choose to take advantage of it) to exercise. I got a bike in April, and I’ve been walking a lot every day.
.Get the hell back on stage!
It’s ridiculous. There are so many more opportunities to perform here than in OKC. I just need to get back in the routine.
-I’m so over this…. It kinda lingers in my mind, but I’m still pretty much over performing stand-up.
.Smoking’s bad, mmmmkaay??
I’ve been smoking about a pack of cigarettes a week.
-Still there doin’ that, but I’ve got a new plan to read The Easy Way to Stop Smoking and quit by the time I’m 30.
.Get yo’ computer fixed, girl!
This goal is simple.
-And I made it happen. ACHIEVEMENT!!!
.Stick with the “Skinny Chick” program!
Terrible title. Perfect plan.
-Nope. I’ve kinda been all over the place, but I still need to want tomust maintain at 135ish. I’m 5 lbs over that again!
.Don’t be afraid of the library!
Yes, the girl who loves books hates libraries.
-Nope. Still haven’t gone. Still too a-scared…
Sure, I’ve still got 5 months to work on accomplishing these goals………
We’ll see what happens….
Like I said here, I’m considering it an accomplishment to just get out of bed every morning…..
I’m a pessimist. But can you blame me? Not a whole lot has worked out in my favor throughout my life, especially in the “relationship” department.
I’m afraid that if I am optimistic about a budding relationship, I will be more hurt when it ends.
I’ve been wrestling with that since yesterday’s post.
I do not think, however, that my interpretation of this new interest is entirely bad; he’s *what* I’m looking for (*meaning he’s not unattainable/in a relationship/live miles away; he is nice/attractive/smart/fun*).
But I do think that it’s silly to trust that this thing will become something. At least, it’s silly to plan on it becoming something.
Problem is, I was planning on surrendering, kicking and screaming, retreating home to mooch off of a parent. I was planning on being unhappy but comfortable and able to save money. I was planning on becoming a hermit and working towards moving back here or somewhere that had a job for me.
The new interest does not know of this plan nor do I think it’s appropriate to discuss the notion of the future this early in the “relationship.”
So, believe it or not, I took action elsewhere with a positive attitude. I told myself, “Sometimes things DO work out in your favor! Sometimes people surprise you!”
Why, just the other day, contrary to my belief that I’m the only bitch on Earth willing to say something when a jerk is offensive, My Girl reminded me of why she is just so very special. She does say something. She will react and protect. It shouldn’t surprise me when she jumps to my aid, but you see, it is just so rare for anyone to do that for people anymore.
Also, all of my parents are completely on board with my “to move or not to move” question.
And my landlord is being just an absolute sweetheart, “Just let me know when you need to leave, and it’ll be no problem.”
See! Surprises wait around every corner. I’m trying my damnedest to look on the bright side………… I’m trying to will happiness……….. I’m trying to get a fucking income………….
But I’m still trying to have fun…………
Today was a FREE day at the Denver Botanic Gardens. So I rode my bike and hung out for a couple of hours. Luckily I made it home before the rain (which is still dampening my spirits quite a bit). I am also happy that I caught some awesome photos, and maybe those can keep these rainy day blues at bay.
I spent the last 3 days with a boy who claims to be “decently smitten” with me.
Magic on Thursday night…
Sweet words and sweetness Friday night…
Pho and a million hot dogs and a Rockies game and a punk rock show on Saturday…
Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris (his suggestion) at an indie theater built in the 1930s, bike rides to 2 different coffee shops where we read books and discussed philosophy, followed by dinner at Vine St. Pub on Sunday….
Since we live across the street from each other, we did not (thankfully) spend every moment together, but we spent a good deal of quality time really getting to know each other and our city.
We have stuff to talk about.
We know some of the same people.
We’ve got a lot in common.
And we have chemistry….
Plenty of that!
Problem?
I was warned this would happen.
The gusband specifically said, “Don’t do it.”
Why?
“He falls in love too quickly. He always has a girlfriend.”
So?
“So do you want that? You know people like that.”
I do want a relationship. And it’s been a long time since someone liked me for more than just sex.
I came here for the lifestyle- healthy, active, proactive -as well as the environment, climate, and mind-set. I came here to change.
And I think I have changed, to an extent. I want to be here so badly, and not at all because of the new interest. You all know that. This is truly where I think I belong… Let the Gods of Employment will it so!
This place just runs differently, and I like it.
That’s what he was looking for. He moved here for a life-change, and from what I’ve witnessed, he’s taking all of the necessary steps to achieve that goal.
The friends he has here are very different from the ones back home. Hell, they can’t shut up about how much they want me in his life. He has told me that I’ve been a good influence on him so far, and I’m having a bit of fun with the fact that he’s been a bad influence on me.
Something is good here:
He’s not unattainable. He’s not in a relationship. He doesn’t live miles away (literally I can see his window from mine).
He’s nice to me. He’s attractive. He’s smart. He’s fun.
No one has kissed me in public (that wasn’t drunk) in a long time. I feel wanted but also respected.
The only real anxiety-inducing facet of this “relationship” is that my phuckingphone obviously doesn’t want it to work out. I never get his texts, and it caused me to think I was being stood up Friday night when I missed the textS (multiple) telling me he was running late.
Oh, and there’s that little part about me leaving Denver, maybe?
It’s just the possibility…………………that’s killin’ me ……………………………………………………………………………………….
(And now I’m in an even more foul mood because I’m retyping this post that somefuckinghow deleted)
I’m sad about leaving Colorado in 21 days.
I’ve met a new interest.
I’ve been eating nonsense.
I’ve haven’t heard any news from the NOLA job.
I need to save money.
The new interest is from Oklahoma.
I’ve been walking and biking more.
And no news is better than bad news.
I have to remember that moving is the only option.
I have to forget compliments like, “You remind me of royalty.”
I have to be completely conscious of what I’m consuming.
I have to Seecret this job into being, and continue with the emails and calls.
Sad, sad, sadness….
I just can’t believe I won’t be here in a month…….
Oh, and Z’s in town with his girlfriend.
Gross.
Good, good, goodness?
Yes. The camping trip was ahhhhh-mazing.
I made new friends (and no, none of them are the new interest).
Beatrice didn’t get eaten.
I ate 20 roasted marshmallows.
I could’ve had a snowball fight on the 4th of July (but time did not allow for it).
I went kayaking for the first time, and while I thought I might die/drown/get really cold and wet, I survived, and I’m so glad I did it. I used muscles I forgot that I had.
People were shooting guns across a hiking trail for 12 hours, so I couldn’t hike, and the noise was incredibly annoying, but all-in-all, it was pretty spectacular.
Wednesday night, one of my favorite neighborhood bars kicked-off its movie night with The Thin Man (that’s the name of the bar too). I love that film because it’s set in the 30s, it’s funny, and it portrays a very modern couple with an egalitarian dynamic.
I made a hairpiece that I had created in my mind a month ago. I had all of the supplies, but I just hadn’t gotten around to making it because I couldn’t really imagine ever wearing it. Since I was going to see a film from the 30s, I decided to do 30s-inspired hair.
It was easy and fun, and I didn’t look like a weirdo.
I asked my friend Cade, his beau, and the new interest to join me.
He looks like this
And we would look like this
It was a magical night, and the only drawback was that new interest’s dog destroyed my brand-new-handmade-hairpiece………… Glad I got pics!
The next day, Cade and I had a balcony day-date. We watched one of the many rain storms that rolled into Denver this week. All of this was accompanied by the sounds from a Victrola which was our only source of music since his jerkass landlord forgot to pay the electric bill for the building. No bother, the balcony provided plenty of entertainment.
Rain, rain, go away. Let me go drink wine in the park with Cry-bab-ay……..
When I returned from OK, these items remained in my kitchen:
3 frozen chicken breasts
4 frozen salmon filets
6 slices of frozen bread
bag of frozen black-eyed peas
package frozen chicken breast tenderloins
misc frozen veggies
1/2 gallon frozen cabbage soup
box of frozen mussels
box of instant brown rice
box of cous cous
box of quinoa
box of whole wheat pasta
2 boxes of Melba toast
6 eggs
12 oz egg whites
6 oz hummus
4 oz almonds
12 skim-mozzarella string-cheeses
bag of broccoli
steel-cut oats
This is what I’ve survived on for the last 5 days.
Most of that is gone now. But I still have not bought a single food item since last Monday. I bought the broccoli, hummus, and cheese last Monday.
My last chicken breast is baking right now.
I’m craving fresh fruit and veg. But that’s it.
Really, I’ve been okay. I kinda wish I had a little skim milk to enjoy with my black tea, but I’ve been content with the countless other teas I have.
I’ve applied to so many jobs. I can’t even tell you what they all are. One, however, was to be a bikini barista. Chances are, management won’t wanna see my ass in a bikini. Boobs, maybe. The rest of this, I don’t think so. Just one step away from strippin’. I have not applied to any strip clubs. Yet….
Even if I get a job (hopefully) next week, there’s really no way that I’ll have that extra $500 to cover everything the first week of July. I’m up shits creek with a turd for a paddle.
I’m going to solicit money from the bonusEXstepmom once she return’s my phone call. I think it’s a safe bet. If not, I have one other option but the interest will kill me.
Oh, well. Happy to have options (if only 2).
I found an available teaching position today in Boulder. That would be nice. Imagine…. living in Boulder… I could afford a place in Boulder on a teacher’s salary…. I’d have to make it work for the first few months until my current lease ended, but it could work…. It could be a perfect fit.
Unfortunately, my shit-computer lost it’s Microsoft Word-ness, and I can’t pull up the application. The job just opened on Friday. I WANT THIS JOB!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to the library tomorrow, and hopefully I’ll get this thing filled out.
In the meantime, Ihave got to get a job now. Like, right now. Meow?
Also, food must be purchased.
I mean look at this……
6 lbs have slid off like nothin’, but I gotz a headache like e’ryday, y’all. The stress and the restricted food intake is messin’ wit me. Ya heard?
I really need a good plan (suggestions needed and appreciated) that compliments what I already have so that I don’t spend too much at the grocery. I’m thinking 2lbs meat, beans, yogurt, fresh fruit (3x), veg (3x), sweet potato, ??? !?!?
too much think brain hurt
I have not left the house other than to walk the Bea because I’m afraid of spending money. I don’t wanna go out and get hungry and be forced to buy something. I gave up a nighttime bike ride to Cade’s yesterday and Pride and Jazz in the Park today (ALL FREE ACTIVITIES) because I’m afraid I’ll……. nope. Just in a funk, I guess.
Also, I really want to get drunk. Like reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyy drunk. Drunk-dialin’-drunk. d-RUNK. Rick-drunk.
(that’s when I call everybody Rick)
Really rare…..
I have not said/thought/felt that in probably 10 years. Really.
That’s just not me.
But it is right now.
Not exactly sure why.
Kinda scary. Prolly just wantin’ it ’cause I can’t have it. Ya know?
This is how homelessness starts, though, right?
Not enough money to pay the bills….. Turn to booze…. And so on……
P.S. The best part of the last 5 days is my record player. I’ll never get over how much better music sounds on vinyl. I am, however, coveting so much music. I want EVERYTHING on vinyl. My dad has seemingly everything. I’ll get that one day……
Damned Scribbling Woman 