“A great source of calamity lies in regret and anticipation; therefore a person is wise who thinks of the present alone, regardless of the past or future.” -Oliver Goldsmith

Or

“Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart.” -Basil Rathbone

Hard to choose one quote today; they’re both so good. Both have the same theme, and that’s what this post is all about. . .

 

Regret.

 

Or lack thereof. . .

 

Last week/end was a big one for many of us.  Life-changes, partying, nesting, improving, questions. . .  I’ve experienced odd events for the last 7 years during the week of St. Patrick’s day.  Nowadays, I expect insanity during that week.  It usually involves a death (a dog, a greatgrandmother, a friend’s son, a friend’s dad), and I’ve heard that friends of friends are dealing with losses of loved ones from last week. 

 

Sometimes, however, the week is just plain ol’ bizarro!

 

It’s usually Spring Break, and that tends to bring out the crazies and/or the craziness in us.  Also, the first day of Spring occurs on March 21: the vernal equinox, when day and night are the same length. An equinox is thought to mark a new beginning, such as in the astrological calendar. 

 

So, YEA! we get to start over again.  Good.  Good for all of us.

 

 

I’ve been reeeaaaalllly lazy for the last 2 days.  If you couldn’t tell, I GOT MY COMPUTER FIXED!!! Big YEA! for that.  And while I didn’t watch a single DVD last week (like, didn’t turn the tv on once), this week I’m making up for it big time.  I’ve become vegetation.  No, bother.  It’s been nice.  Now, I’ve got my life-source back that will hopefully lead me to some lucrative employment sooner rather than later, AND did you know that there are TONS o’ instantly streaming workout videos on Netflix?!?  It’s superbadass. 

 

Still, I know what I’m really doing. . . I’m numbing and trying not to think about the bad karma I might have possibly conjured up with my actions last week. . .

 

But!  Before we get to that, let’s talk about this and this.

An otter?

Okay.  So hopefully you just checked out those super short blurbs about this thing that went down at SXSW.  The only reason I bring this up is (A) I know the girl/otter involved, and (B) I’ve had my own encounter with a jackass.

I saw “the girl’s” Fbook statuses all week.  She was hanging out with douche Bam, and what the above stories fail to mention is the truth.  See, if douche Bam let this “whole” story out, it’s only because the real story is worse. Oh, and also because he’s a media-whore.  Any way, the worst part is that “the girl” is kind of getting dragged through the mud.  Sure, everyone’s giving her props for knocking out this douche (knockin’ him out cold for 7 minutes, mind you), but still, she’s also been called fat in more ways than one (and the odd otter comment, wtf).  So now I wonder, do any of them regret it?

Does she regret latching on to a celebrity who didn’t even deserve her time?  Does he regret continuing the night with random, drunk strangers all for the chance to score some blow?  Does she regret knocking him out?  Well, no.  Does she regret getting into the situation that led her to knock him out?  Does he regret getting his ass kicked by a girl?  Or is this just another way to achieve publicity?

Will they just move on because it was fun, a crazy story to tell?  Will they just keep on keepin’ on, forget it all, and live in the now?

What will I do?

Well, I definitely don’t regret going away last weekend.  I don’t regret going to Salida.  My heart was leading me, not my head. 

What I regret is going after a man who is unattainable in a relationship. I’m not suffering with urequited love or anything; it is what it is.  I just don’t like people who cheat.  And I don’t like facilitating the cheating.  I feel that sets up a person for major failure.  I fear karma remembers those things and makes it more difficult for one to trust and commit in relationships, or even find a quality relationship.  Karma can’t take too kindly to those who help others cheat. . .

This is not my first rodeo.

This is not the first time I’ve had fun with attached men.  For me, really, it’s an out.  My last go ’round was perfect.  I was too busy to think about a relationship, and I appreciated the quick meetings and lack of correspondence.  Easy.

I’ve never “fallen” for a taken man; meaning, any time I’ve been involved with one, it’s always been short-lived, with no prospect of a future.  Fun. 

What makes me end it, always, is what kills me the most:  I don’t cheat.  I don’t want someone to cheat on me.

A lot of my insecurity and cynicism and problems with finding good, meaningful relationships is that I can’t trust.  Completely.  And I can turn unlikable reeeeaaaal quick.  (That’s my secret weapon for when it needs to end, or when I think it’s ending.)

I’ve had to be tough, to defend myself, to be ready to knock-out some dude if necessary.  That’s not so appealing. 

Bottomline:  what I’m trying to say is I regret tricking myself into thinking there’s a future for me and Z.  Why?  Are you kidding?  I could never trust his ass!  Ha.  I regret that I hurt the girlfriend, whether she ever knows it or not.  I regret that Z and I have wandering eyes.  I regret that there are men in my life that still cause me to wonder, “What if?”

No matter. 

It’s time to live in the present. 

Focus on today. 

Nothing is achieved from living in the past or even in worrying about the distant future.

Besides, I’ve plenty of day-to-day that I need to deal with, think about, figure out, and get done.

Now, I’m off to make my fancy meal o’ mussels!

Whit