Dr.Beard and I had 15 minutes of good, quality conversation last night. . . Then, he said, “This isn’t going to work long term.” Apparently, rather than discuss this, he decided to cut ties because he was not cool with some things***
***cigarette smoking ~ yes, he quit smoking 9 months ago
***the possiblity of me working here ~ yes, he smokes pot
What? The! Fuck?
So I did something I’ve always wanted to do. . . I wrote him and explained my feelings. . .
See, this is not my first rodeo, and it is not the first time I’ve been blind-sided by a boy I thought liked me. This is not the first REALLY!?! moment I’ve had with a guy.
I figure, I’m in a new place, and if this letter was not right to send, I might never have to encounter him again. No embarrassment.
I also figure that it’s better to live actively, express myself, and have a new way of reacting. See, I used to just think and stew on it, and I would regret not saying what I wanted. . . This time, my feelings are out there, and I actually feel better about the whole thing.
The letter has been sent. . .
Wanna know what it said???
Here ya go!
Well, I’m still really confused about what you said last night.
I’m sorry, but I write when I don’t know what else to do, and I don’t feel like I said what I wanted to say last night.
First, know that, as I said last night, I do not want to make a case for myself. I don’t want to date someone that I have to talk into dating me.
Second, I want you to know that I do respect you and like you, regardless of our (2 week) past. I am new here, and I’d like to surround myself with good people. You and your friends are “good people,” and it would be nice to keep in contact.
Now, with all that being said, I do feel like your reasons for ending this thing were a bit unfair, which causes me to wonder if that was the whole truth. I’m a grown-up, and I can handle the truth; so just tell me. It will make it easier for me to get back into the dating-game if I know why this thing went sour.
This is what I do know. . .
I know that we get along, share the same interests, have similar goals in life, and these things are hard to find sometimes. The chemistry between us was good.
I know that you recently ended a relationship, and I in no way desired to be a rebound.
I know that as a former-smoker you can sympathize with the addiction, but we never really talked about it. If we had, I could have told you how I’m in the process of quitting. I thought I was honest from the beginning about being an “occasional” smoker. Compared to most smokers and my former self, 1 a day is occasional. Since I moved to Denver, I’ve gone from 7 cigs a day to 1-3. Since you never expressed how much you didn’t like that I smoked, I really thought you were okay with it. Know that if I knew how you felt, I would have never smoked around you. No, it wouldn’t have been because of you, but you would have been a catalyst in helping me achieve my goal of being smoke-free. I need that kind of influence to encourage me to give up those cancer-sticks for good.
I know that you are concerned about where I’ll be working. I knew that last Tuesday when you asked if I’d be cool with working here. Honestly, right now I’m looking for gainful employment. For the last 10 years, my life has been planned out, whether I liked it or not. When the shit hit the fan last May, my world collapsed, and now, I’m just trying to make the best of it. I am being picky, to an extent, but the bottom-line is that I need work. I was mostly just happy with the thought of working for a family that was “cool.” This is something that I would have liked to discuss with you. You’re very bright, and I value your opinions. I would have liked to hear your concerns about the job, but as I said last night, after meeting with the family, it’s not a good fit for me.
Now, I want you to know that I feel I deserved a little more consideration and respect. I wish you hadn’t jumped to conclusions about me without talking to me. This is difficult to say, but I must compare this situation to the conversation we had early one Sunday morning. When you divulged the information about your issue, part of me wanted to run for the hills. When I got home that afternoon, I was a little freaked about the whole thing. I did research and found that condoms don’t always protect against it, and I wanted to talk to you about it because I was scared, but I trusted that what we had was good. So I decided to compromise and be content with the fact that you were eventually honest, and we could deal with it. I didn’t just flip my feelings and end it.
Sure, it was not really fair to bring that up, but I had to make the comparison. I had to express how I felt since I didn’t say anything earlier. This issue is permanent and cigarette smoking is not. I don’t like that I was able to accept that and you couldn’t accept my issue.
Lastly, I want you to know that I did have fun with you. I hope we can be friends. I really admire who you are and what you’re doing with your life. I think you’re a great guy. I still believe I had some of the best dates ever with you, and I’ll never forget that backpacking trip (help me not forget by sending those pics, please).
That’s it! No regrets…………………………….
Feel free to give me feedback! Was this out of line? A bad idea? Are you proud? Let me know!